This was so brilliant I just had to record it over here.
"I'm not sure what they expected. Jethro Tull blasting out of the Papal apartments? "Hey, yeah, everybody, I'm the new Pope, and I've been thinking, you know, maybe abortion's alright, and if you want to have lots of promiscuous anal sex outside of marriage, whatever. I'm thinking about ordering you all to live in teepees and drive hybrids, also ordain a few broads and dames. I'm gonna go smoke some pot, perform a couple gay marriages, give Last Rites to a couple old ladies who are being euthanized. Then I'm writing a letter demanding America adopt socialized health care. Hail Satan!"Not the most democratic organization in the world, hence why people who protest Church doctrine are called "protestants". It's the Roman Catholic Church. If you're shocked at their positions, you haven't been paying attention for the last, oh, two thousand years."
Do you think the whole bit up through "Hail Satan" is a bit long for an email signature? Because I gotta tell ya... I'm sorely tempted.