Congratulations, President-elect Obama. No, I didn't vote for you. But in a strange way? That's good news. See, you didn't make me a ton of promises on the campaign trail, so you can't possibly disappoint me. My expectations were low going in; there's nowhere you can go from here, but up. So I have here some advice for you.
You're going to need me, and here's why. All those folks on the left who are so madly in love with you right now? They're going to be disappointed. No, it's not your fault, sir. It's just that they've built you up so much, set such high expectations for your presidency, that you cannot possibly meet them all. This is no reflection on you yourself: I honestly believe no mortal man could meet all their demands. But some of them are going to be disappointed in you, and some of them are going to turn on you. They always do.
When that happens? You will need people like me. You will need our good will. And considering that we didn't expect much from you? It will be easy to please us.
Issue one: Fight the war, let us win. Our men and women in uniform deserve no less from you than your full support. Right now, you've got the party eating out of your hands; use that power for good, for our nation's security abroad.
Issue two: Please don't take all our money. I know you just want to help out the little guy, the guy who needs a hand up- but a hand up is not a handout. Businesses don't pay taxes, customers do, in the form of increased prices. Workers do, in the form of reduced wages, benefits, and available jobs. If you want to help the little guy, protect his job. You can do that by not putting roadblocks in the way of his boss, the guy who signs the paychecks.
If you want to do even more to help the little guy? Improve the climate for business in this country. Quit spending so much money on people who hate us abroad, and invest some of that money here in our infrastructure. I can point you to some bridges and roads that could use a ton of newly-employed folks to bring them up to speed.
You can help cut the little guy's fuel bills by investing our money in nuclear power and clean coal technology. I know you said something recently about bankrupting coal companies, but I'm willing to forget that if you are. (I figure it's just something in the air in San Francisco, it makes people say and do silly things sometimes.) But I'm sure you didn't mean to insult Pennsylvania, Virginia, Indiana, Colorado, and Ohio- all those nice states with coal industries, who helped vote you in last night. I'm sure you don't want to put them out of work and I'm sure you don't want us all to be cold this winter.
Anyway, my point is, we're pretty easy to please here on the right. If you get just a few things right- the war, energy, economics 101- we'll be willing to overlook any little mistakes you might make. We're a remarkably forgiving bunch, and on the whole our patriotism is tied not to the individual, but the ideal, to the nation itself. You can make us your allies pretty easily, or you can alienate us completely. I'm trusting in your words last night. You promised me the opportunity to let you earn my support. Sir, you have that opportunity. Please make good use of it.